65,3kg

I have shoes that look a little like those. Someone get me the dress, it's perfect. D:

Yeah, that's what the scale told me this morning after breakfast. That's two kilos in two weeks. So around 1kg per each week of eating right and then starting to work out again. Disappointed. Don't get me wrong, I'm really happy about the fact I actually did lose some weight (would have got 2.97% in The Biggest Loser!) - it's finally dropping. Just not happy about the number, its 18,3kg too much mass. Way too fucking much.

So yeah, I binged. Failure, I knew it was gonna happen and didn't even try to resist the urge. Still have chocolate and chips left. And some uh.. Well, it's a cake-like thingy. Yumyum. Eww. Candy tasted very fake and just.. bad. After not eating that kind of stuff for two weeks. That's some motivation to stay away. Another big motivator is my mind. I hate being this fat. I NEED to lose weight and become that skinny bitch. Soon.

Otherwise this day has been uh.. Kinda peaceful but kinda emotional. Let's not go further into those emotions but ah, the peacefulness. I love spending days alone at home. When my mind's not screaming at me that is. Spent the day reading books (only managed to start a few, I can't read one for too long and get anxious and need to grab another one) and tumblr'ing and texting a few friends. And binging. And doing other things I regret. But that's okay. It'll be better one day.

Mom's gonna get me a gym access card for August to the gym she goes to. Ohgosh, they have the best treadmills I have ever met in my life. Purrfect. And I love the gym in many other ways too - it's pretty fancy. I like it fancy and luxurious, not exactly my fault. But yeah, I have motivation to work out again. Guess why? Because I'm fat. Because I finally learnt how to do squats in the right way. I know, that's so sad.

Flawless, now this is what I really want. And I'm ready to work for it. Only thing between this and me is me.

Gonna go back to bed and start reading again now. Goodnight darlings, don't let the monsters inside your head consume you. <3 You're stronger than them even if I ain't.